


bang

by catswithsocks



Category: Homestuck
Genre: DEAD FIC, F/M, Minor Swearing, Slow Build, Slow Updates, Superhero!Stuck, also kidnapping, aradia is a robot/responder, but just incase, it's not "bad" kidnapping, superhero au, will add tags as needed!!
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-02-07
Updated: 2016-06-20
Packaged: 2018-05-18 18:36:25
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 8,462
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5938831
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/catswithsocks/pseuds/catswithsocks
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>You dont know how you ended up here, but you better get used to it quick.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. just like the movies!!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i rewrote this! i had some extra time and decided hey, why not! (read: im a fuckign nerd and rewrote this chapter immediately after i posted chapter four). i will not be posting the old version somewhere else, because that version sucked absolute ass

Jade's head hurt. She held it and groaned in pain. Holding her head hurt too. She can barely recall what happened, but she doesn’t want to think about it too hard, lest she worsen her headache. 

She remembers being at her sixteenth birthday party. It was so much fun, with her favorite cake and ice cream, and her friends surrounding her having fun as well! Jade remembered going outside to the gazebo to take a breather and cool down. She loved her party, it’s just that social interaction for such a long time takes a lot out of her! She had just sat down on the bench when... 

BANG! 

A white flash of light blinded her, and she got in in the head from behind. 

She doesn’t remember much from then on, because she was pretty much unconscious for most of it! She does remember waking up every once in awhile in a van, but then someone put a mask to her face and put her back to sleep. Whoever took her must’ve been professionals! Jade also thinks she was dragged around a lot, because her clothes are dusty and her arms are soooo sore! 

Jade sits up from her (surprisingly!) soft bed, and rubs her arms, and then her head. She also examines her surroundings, looking for a way out, or maybe to contact her grandpa to come and get her out of here! She’s never been kidnapped before, so she doesn’t know what she’s looking for, but that computer does look promising! She doubts that there’s a wifi signal though. However, the rest of the room is pretty much bare, there’s no windows, and it’s painted entirely white! That doesn’t do well for Jade’s head, and she lays back down and closes her eyes. She’s always had bad headaches, and this one is probably the worst! 

There's a crackle of an intercom, but Jade doesn’t know where it’s coming from. She looks around, and finally decides to look up and hey! There it is! Wow, this headache must really be dumbing her down, because that’s the first place she should’ve looked! Duh! 

There’s a tapping on the microphone and someone says. “Hello! Can you guys hear me?” They wait a beat before replying. 

“Haha, you guys can’t talk back! This is an intercom! I can’t hear you, and if you did talk back, well then...you’re reeeeeeeeally dumb.” 

Wow! Jade hasn’t even met this person, and already she wants to hit them! Why are they so rude? 

“Anyways! Most of you guys think you’re kidnapped! And you are! Mwa ha ha ha and so forth. But really, it’s all for a good reason. However, I am legally obligated to not tell you why. Whatever. That old geezer is really fuc- I mean really weird.” 

Jade doesn’t think this person is very professional. She also wonders who the announcer is talking about. Lowkey, she also wishes the announcer would just shut up, because they are speaking waaay too close to the mic, so everything is crackly and annoying and making Jade’s headache worse. 

“So now, you’ll be joining a group! Nooooooo, I won’t say what the group is for, because that is off-limits to what I can and cannot tell you. There are 8 of you, my favor-eight number!” 

Jade refuses to believe that this stupid annoying announcer did a pun while she’s here dying. 

“You’ll be split into two groups of four. I hope y’all like each other, because you’ll be stuck with each other for the next couple of years!” Hold up, what? The next couple of YEARS? What kind of group is this? Jade hopes that she likes these people, or else she would have to hole up in this room for a long time. 

However...Maybe they can team up and escape this wacko place together! Everyone else probably doesn’t want to stay here either, so they can come up with a good plan of action, just like the movies! Jade’s already starting to like her newly formed plan. She can already envision herself running away from this place with an explosion behind her, despite the fact that the plan probably won’t involve explosions. But hey, a girl can dream! 

Jade decided to try her luck at the computer. Who knows, maybe the kidnappers aren’t as smart as she thought! 

No such luck. The little bar thing at the bottom said the computer wasn’t connected to the internet. Jade sighed, but she knew it probably wouldn’t have worked anyways. She wonders why there’s a computer in the room if she can’t even use it! She also contemplates throwing it against the wall to break out, but she decides against it-for now. Making a ruckus doesn’t seem like the best of ideas, and she wants to wait for other options of escape. 

There’s a crackle of an intercom again, and Jade groans inwardly. Wait, why is she groaning inwardly? The intercom can’t hear her, she can groan as loud as she wants! 

With a smile at this thought, she groans and sighs very loudly. This is stupid, but Jade just can’t help it. She doesn’t think this is how kidnapped people act, doing silly things, but there’s no use in acting like a kidnapped person right now. 

“Ok, so some of you have tried to smash the computers against the walls. We can’t have that, because computers are expensive, people. Please don’t try that again, these walls are reinforced steel, I think. I wasn’t actually told what they were made of. Whatever! Point is, don’t smash the computers! You’ll be given a replacement one tomorrow night.” 

Jade wonders if the intercom person is telepathic, because she was just considering smashing her computer! However, now she knows she can’t even try to break down the walls, unless she has superhuman strength, which she doesn’t. Suddenly, the possibility of explosions in her break out doesn’t seem so far off. 

Jade wanders around her room a bit more, but really, there’s not that much to do! There’s not even any plants to water, but they would probably die from the lack of sunlight in her room, and she doesn’t want any plants to die under her care. 

She lays down on the floor. It’s cool to the touch,and she rolls over and presses her forehead on it. It helps ease her headache, which has started to ebb away, and Jade is extremely happy for that! 

She doesn’t remember falling asleep on the floor, and she’s also confused as to why she’s in her bed again? She definitely doesn’t remember going to her bed. She guesses someone walked in and put her in there, which is kinda unsettling to Jade! She doesn’t want to think about it anymore, so she stops thinking about it at all. She instead, thinks about her family. She misses them dearly, as the reality from yesterday starts to seep into her skin. Jade won’t seem them for the next few years, at least. What was she thinking last night, indulging in silliness! Stupid, stupid, stupid! 

Jade berates herself a little bit longer, and then puts an end to it. She has to remember to keep her chin up! And not let anything get to her! Just like what Grandpa says! 

Thinking about Grandpa cheers Jade up a little. That will cheer Jade up for however long she’s in here, and he will be her motivation to escape! She can only hope that everyone else has someone they can think about while they’re here. 

Jade wonders what time it is. There’s no clock in here, not even a hidden one, or she would’ve heard it by now. She puts an ear to one of the walls of the room. Maybe she’ll hear an important part of the kidnappers plan, just like the movies! Well, she’s not sure what movie it would be from, but it’s definitely somewhere! 

No, she doesn’t hear any speaking. She only hears a soft whirring within the walls. Unsettled, she pulls away. Why is there whirring in the walls? Is it some kind of machinery or technology? Jade would have loved to look at it, but that’s definitely not her top priority right now. 

She sighed, and flopped back onto her bed. There’s absolutely nothing to do, and she’s super bored! She would’ve thought that these kidnappers would’ve had the basic human decency to give her a puzzle. 

She wonders, again, what time it is. It’s certainly been at least a day, right? To pass the time even more, she rolls around on her bed until she’s managed to roll herself up in the sheets. Great! Now there’s something to do! She fixes up the bed, which takes up about 5 minutes. 

She puffs her bangs. There’s nothing to do, and now she’ll just be in here forever. 

Jade winces, and pushes that thought away. She’ll have to deal with all of her intrusive thoughts one day, just not today. 

Instead, she sits down in the middle of the floor, braids her hair, and makes up a story to tell herself later on.


	2. were doing it

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Finally getting around and meeting some people! But first, you've got to make a name for yourself!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i rewrote this chapter as well!

A loud, blaring, alarm startles Jade awake, and she fell out of bed. She definitely remembered heading to bed, her own security measure. She didn’t want somebody touching her if she could help it! 

The alarm is still blaring, and it sounds vaguely like the “Ride of the Valkyries”, but it’s so loud that Jade couldn't tell. Finally someone shut it off, and she relaxed instantly. 

“Gooooooood morning everyone! Today, you’re gonna meet the people you’ve been buddied with! But first, we have to get you set up! No, I can’t tell you what for, because mainly I don’t want too. Please walk to your computers, and everything should be handled from then on!” 

Jade rolled her eyes, and jumped up from bed. Maybe her computer was finally connected to the internet, and she can get some help to escape! She walked backwards to her computer, because she memorized how many steps it takes from her bed to computer. When she’s bored, she’ll resort to anything for entertainment. 

She booted up her computer, and a green logo pops up, which fades to red, then back to green. It looks sort of like a house, which is kind of weird. It’s so stupid, it doesn’t even have doors or anything. 

She checks to see whether or not the computer has wifi, but it still looks like there’s no signal. She guesses that everything she’s going to do on the computer doesn’t need the internet. Her small hopes were stored away for something else, like maybe food, because she is STARVING. 

A browser opens, and a list of names appear on it. Eurgh...all of these names aren’t exactly...appealing to Jade. She doubts anybody would want to be called Zoosmell Pooplord or Flighty Broad. She’s fairly certain that all of these silly names have been created to mess with her. Well, they (whoever they is) can suck it! Jade Harley is the silliest one of them all, and she can definitely out-silly some random kidnapper! 

With vigor, Jade picks the craziest name on there: Farmstink Buttlass. Suck it, world! She does a celebratory fist pump, and Jade’s fairly certain she’s made a challenge out of something that wasn’t meant to be a challenge in the first place, but whatever! A victory is a victory. 

The browser loads for a bit, then jumps to a different page. Jade managed to make herself pumped for this page as well, certain that she’ll be able to beat whatever it throws at her. 

There are eight names on the screen, but this time they're in a vivid array of colors. She mouses over them a little. These seem to be more serious as the last. A bright green name strikes her fancy. GardenGnostic. That's a pretty cool name, if Jade says so herself. She does love gardening, so she clicks it. The screen loads again, and then a "Thank You!" appears, along with a pumpkin smiling and bouncing around happily. Jade tries to leave that screen, but all she gets is an angry bouncing pumpkin instead of a happily bouncing one. 

Sighing, she left the computer and headed back to bed, probably just to roll around in it again. She’s been doing a lot of that lately, it feels like. 

“Most of you finished setting up!” 

Jade jumps. She forgot about the mysterious intercom voice. 

“Sooooooo, it looks like you’ll be able to talk to real live people! Gee, won’t that be fun!” 

The voice is even more sarcastic and aggravating than usual. Jade had forgot how much she wanted to punch it. 

A section of a wall opens to a hallway. Huh, so that’s what the whirring was, machinery! Jade can see part of a room filled with sunlight, and that makes Jade excited to leave. Where there’s sunlight, there’s windows! However, she hesitates a little bit, scared to leave, because she doesn’t know what will happen when she leaves. 

“Hmm! It seems like some of us are taking a little while to leave! Maybe hurry it up a little?” 

If Jade has one wish in life, it would be to hit that voice square in the jaw. 

Taking a deep breath, she leaped back over to the other side if the door. The door slides back in with a satisfying click, and Jade starts down the hallway. It’s a rather nice hallway, with sunlight streaming in from a thin strip of glass. There’s also pictures hung on both sides of the hallway, most of it just various plants and animals. 

Jade reaches the end of the hallway, and nervously peers into the room. She can see three other hallways that lead into the room as well. The room has a large glass dome on top that’s letting in all the sunlight, and there’s a variety of neatly growing plants all around, even though the majority of the floor is linoleum. There’s a table in the middle of the room, with eight chairs around it. Huh! Jade didn’t think she would meet the other group, but she guesses by the number of chairs that she will eventually! 

Soon, other people reach the end of the hall as well. Jade takes them in, one by one, and notes that there’s two boys and one girl. She waves to everyone, and they all wave back. It’s nice to know their friendly at least! Jade would probably die if she was put with people who weren’t exactly very nice. Or she would end up in a lot of fights. Jade knows punching her problems won’t help her, but boy does it feel good! 

“Haha, ok guys, go back to your rooms!” 

Jade looks up, confused. What are they talking about? She thought they were meeting up to talk and be social? 

“Technically, you guys can’t speak to each other yet because a: I am literally not allowed to let you guys do that and b: you guys would just conspire an escape plan, and we can’t have that!” 

Darn! They knew Jade’s plan all along! It was mean for the mysterious disembodied voice to lead them on like they would be able to talk to each other, but at least now Jade had some faces to think about while she was cooped up in her room. 

Jade waved goodbye to the people before turning around and walking back to her room. She considered just hiding in the hallway until everyone left, and then exploring the plant-filled room, but she decided against it. They probably had guards or something. Damn these guys were good! They anticipated Jade’s moves before she even did them! 

Jade stopped right before the door, suddenly reluctant to go back in. It was funny to Jade, being hesitant to leave, and now hesitant to go back in. Instead, she sat down in front of the wall, and absorbed the rays of sunlight. Going back into her room can wait, she was going to treat herself first! 

Having had her fill of sunlight, Jade stood up and entered her room.


	3. were making it happen

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> they're finally talking! woo-hoo! dave's not here yet, sorry yall

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this is mainly a bunch of dialogue! i just wanted to get the people talking so i could get the story progressing!!  
> UPDATE: i added colors to the pester log! yay me!

When Jade entered, the first thing she noticed was new furniture! She had a computer chair, a clock, a bookshelf (filled with books hell yes), and... 

PLANTS! 

Jade could’ve cried tears of joy, and she almost did, if it wasn’t for the incessant pinging noise from the computer. 

She plunks herself down in the chair and oh joy! It spins! 

Jade was not proud to admit that she spent the next few minutes spinning in the chair. The only thing that brought her back was the notification chimes from the computer. Jade finally looks at the computer, and does a double take. The chat interface, called “Pesterchum”, looks like it’s from 2007, and she had horrific flashbacks to her AOL days. Reluctantly, Jade signs in with her “gardenGnostic” name. It doesn’t look like she needs a password, which is great, because Jade would’ve definitely forgot it! 

Ooh! Jade already had a chat invitation! She accepted eagerly, and saw that two people were already talking: ectoBiologist and tentacleTherapist. She thought about using that name, because it was such a lovely lavender, but she was kinda repelled by the name. 

She joined in the chat. 

GARDENGNOSTIC joined at 7:20 PM!

gg: hello?

eb: hey there! you finally joined!

gg: yeah, I was just mulling over my thoughts I guess.

eb: yeah, no thats cool. i sent the invite to everyone, but only you and tentacleTherapist showed

eb: apparently, i cant send invites to gutsyGumshoe, timaeusTestified, or any of the others

tt: It is quite odd. Do you think it’s because they’re not apart of our little “group”?

eb: hah, so you do speak!

eb: i kinda thought you were just going to lurk, but you didnt, which is a relief actually!

eb: i do think that it’s because they’re not in our group, but i also sent an invite to turntableGod, but he hasn’t accepted yet.

tt: Maybe he never will.

gg: eurgh, i hope not! i would love to talk to everyone!!

gg: i guess he’s not a sociable guy. but then again i wouldn’t be all that sociable either if i was just snatched up and put into a place for the next 6 years.

eb: yeah, i wouldn’t either. but sometimes you gotta just deal with whatever life hands you!

tt: Unsociable people aside, why do you think we were ushered out of our rooms, only to be told to go back in again?

gg: i don’t know! maybe it’s so they could put more stuff into our room?

tt: I did notice that, and it's quite odd how the room wasn’t really set-up in the first place. Usually, when you kidnap someone, you have the decency to put them into a well furnished room.

eb: well, pondering over the unexplained won’t do us any good!

eb: but so we can have faces behind the names, maybe we should introduce ourselves?

gg: that seems like a good idea!

tt: Since there was four of us, and only three people here, whoever was not introduced would be the fourth person.

eb: i was just thinking that, thank you for putting it into words

eb: i guess i’ll go first. i’m....uh...

tt: No need to be so gun shy. We all have equally ridiculous names.

eb: alrighty. im zoolord poopsmell... (ugh that name is so stupid)

gg: nice to meet you zoolord! i’m farmstink buttlass

tt: And I am Flighty Broad.

eb: great! so we don’t get too far ahead of turntable, maybe we should sign off until he accepts?

tt: That is a good idea, but one of us should bother him until he does accept.

tt: We cannot continue to keep stalling our conversations because one person has decided that they don’t want to join.

gg: yeah, i see your point, but maybe we should just give him time

ECTOBIOLOGIST logged off at 8:19 PM! 

TENTACLETHERAPIST logged off at 8:19 PM! 

GARDENGNOSTIC logged off at 8:20 PM!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry i've been so long folks! major writers block, and i wasn't sure what i wanted to do in this chapter! sorry dave hasn't really done much of anything, but he will talk! eventually! also i'm getting rid of everyone except jade, john, rose, and dave because they're not apart of the story yet, and probably won't be for a long time! also, i'm sorry this chapter is so short! i really wanted to update the story though!


	4. grandpa's kidnapping company

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jade finally finds out more about her situation!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> chapters 1 and 2 are being re-written to make them better. i felt like i rushed them and now i have the free time to fix them!!

She stood up away from the computer, and flopped back on the bed. It was nice finally talking to some people. Being cooped up in her room made her really antsy!

Jade’s stomach started grumbling. She wondered if she was gonna get fed anything, because she’s been here for at least a day now, and no food has come! Jade considered eating the plants in the room, if push comes to shove, but hopefully, her situation won’t get that dire. Besides, that plant might be poisonous, and she doesn’t want to die before she finds out what’s going on!

She yelled “Hey, mysterious intercom voice! Am I gonna get something to eat? I’m dying in here!”

Almost immediately, a screen slides out from the wall she’s facing, and pictures appear on it. A lot of the pictures are food, more specifically dinner foods, so she thinks that maybe it’s night time outside. However, all the pictures of food look delicious, and it’s hard to pick just one! Well, maybe she can pick more than one, but she does want to set limits! Jade settled on the mashed potatoes and gravy, and tapped the picture with her finger. An automated voice said “Enjoy!” and there’s a smiley face on the screen, before the screen raises up to reveal a steaming plate of mashed potatoes. The smell is just heavenly, and her mouth waters. She brings out the plate from its alcove, and the screen slides back into the wall with a click

Jade digs into the mashed potatoes, and oh they taste just like she thought they would. Delightfully buttery, with the right amount of salt and pepper. She eats subconsciously, and her thoughts wander back to her old life.

Jade’s “old” life was great! She and her grandpa used to live on an island, but she doesn’t remember much about it. He thought it was unsafe for her to live on such a dangerous island, so he moved her to New York, near his company, English Labs. She guesses the company did well, because she lived in a crazy big mansion! She’s glad that money never got to her head, like some other people. She went to a private school, and some of the people there were rich, stuck-up meanies! Still, she managed to find a few friends. Matter of fact, she invited those friends to the party she was having for her sixteenth birthday! Everything went downhill from there though, because then she got kidnapped, and well...

Here she is.

Jade’s fork scraping the plate brings her back to reality, and she wipes away the beginnings of tears. She can’t think of it like being kidnapped, she’s gotta think of it like an adventure! That’s what grandpa would say anyways! Grandpa. God, it’s been less than two days (she thinks), and she misses him already. She sniffles a bit, and then pulls herself together. Crying won’t help!

Jade stands, and sets the plate on the floor, next to her bed. She’ll figure out where to put it tomorrow, because now, she’s going to sleep.

Jade turns off the lights, and lays down in bed, pulling the cover over her head. She yawns, and closes her eyes to dream.

* * *

“WAKE UP SLEEPYHEADS! Rise and shine!”

Jade’s eyes snap open. She forgot about the Annoying Girl. She wonders, yet again, what it’s like to just have energy when she wake.

She rolls out of bed, and looked around blearily. Everything looks brighter for some reason, but she can’t pinpoint as to why. Until she spots the windows.

Oh sweet jesus she has windows. And curtains. She doesn’t know why she’s excited, and she guesses it’s because she hasn’t seen anything but these walls for 24 hours.

She leaps out of bed, and smushes her face against the window. She looks into a courtyard, and sees other windows. Looking into those windows, she can see more rooms, with people inside, and she can recognize some of them. Especially that one black haired boy, who's making faces out the window. She makes a face right back, and giggle. He looks like he’s laughing too.

Wow, this really picked up her mood from last night! She wonders, however, why it feels like this place is still setting up. Why was this place unfinished when she first came, and how does anybody setup this soundlessly?!

Her mood agitates, and she calms herself down. No point looking a gifthorse in the mouth afterall. She waves to the boy, and he waves back while closing his curtains. She does the same.

She doesn’t think anyone else is up, and she doesn’t know what the handle of the boy is, so she just tries to clean herself up. Which would be hard, considering there is no bathrooms, or closets, or anything to clean herself up with.

Jade starts talking to the intercom. “Hey, are there any bathrooms in here?”

“If you have any requests, please talk to me!”

She jumps! Who’s in the room with her?

“Behind you!” The voice sounded really pretty, and almost human, but it had a robotic note to it.

She turns around, and there’s that screen from last night again! Only instead of showing food, it’s showing her face. Freaky!

Jade asks “What are you, and why do you have my face?”

“I’m the program A.R.A.D.I.A, Jade! I serve your every whim, and strive to make you as comfortable as can be during your stay for the next six years!” Jade winces at that. “I was programmed to have your face to make you feel more comfortable!”

So far, this responder is a little weird, but it seems very nice! It’s very cheerful, but the only thing throwing Jade off is the responder’s face. “Well, can you have a different face?”

“Sure Jade!” Multiple faces on the screen appeared. “Pick your favorite!”

She picks a woman who has dark skin and long, curly hair, because she looks really pretty, and she looks like she would fit the voice. “Sooo, can you explain how you work? I don’t want to break you or anything!”

The screen chirped. “Alrighty Jade! Right now, you’re standing in the main part of the room, called the cortex! The cortex has many hidden rooms, as to save space! So, if you need to use the bathroom, you say ‘Show me the bathroom’, and I give you the bathroom. I also have many features to make you feel the most comfortable, such as manipulation of room temperature! Also, you may ask questions, and I will answer them to the best of my ability!”

Jade smiled brightly. Finally she was going to get some answers. “Welp, show me the bathroom, Aradia!”

“As you wish!” There was a whirring noise as a wall slid up, revealing a bathroom, Aradia’s screen slid back into the wall

* * *

Jade took pleasure in the hour-long shower. She hasn’t felt this clean in quite awhile, and felt reluctant to leave when the water started going cold. She toweled off, and took notice of the clothes laying on her bed. The shirt and pants were different shades of grey, the shirt being a darker grey. The shirt bore a symbol that felt familiar, but Jade couldn’t place as to where she’s seen it before. She shrugged, and slid them on anyways, noting how just how soft they were.

She bounded off back to Aradia again, ready to have an intense question round. Well, maybe not intense, but it would definitely be serious!

“Hello Aradia!” The wall slid open, and Aradia’s screen popped up.

“Hello Jade! How was your shower?” The responder’s cheerful voice filled the room.

“My shower was great, thanks for asking!” Jade’s happy tone turned somber. “But, I do have some questions for you.”

“Ask away Jade! I will answer to the best of my abilities!”

Jade took a deep breath. She wasn’t sure if she was going to get a straight answer to her next question, but she was going to try her darndest.

“Why am I here?”

The responder chuckled. It was full and hearty, and it reminded Jade of her grandpa. “Oh Jade! You should know why more than anybody!” Ok then. This was going to be more difficult than expected if Aradia always evaded her questions. Jade asked more forcefully “Why am I here?”

“You’ve been selected to be in the elite group!” The responder obviously had no idea what Jade was trying to get at, and she knew she had to switch tactics.

“What’s the elite group?”

“The elite group is made up of 8 people. They are responsible for the well-being of the Earth. You’re gonna protect it from up-and-coming villains, and intergalactic invaders. You’re the newer generation of the group, because the old people are, well, old!”

Huh. That’s actually pretty cool! And now Jade gets to be a part of it! She started to get giddy, but also slightly worried. What if she died on the line of duty? Grandpa would never know what happened to her, and would probably worry about her to the end of his days.

“What kind intergalactic invaders are we talking about here? Who wants to invade earth?”

“We have peace treaties with many foreign planets! However, some races aren’t as civil, such as Alternians or certain races of Carapacians.”

Oof. Jade’s heard of the Alternians briefly, but from what she did hear, they weren’t very friendly people, er, aliens. She exactly want to go toe to toe with them, but if it’s for the good of the Earth, then she’s up to the job! She’s never heard of carapacians before, though.

“Aradia, why was I picked?”

“Well, do you remember sending in an application? That’s how we picked you! Your mental and physical attributes make you the best candidate for your particular job! You have some very big shoes to fill!”

Jade wondered what shoes she had to fill. She also remembered, vaguely, sending in a form to some place a few months ago. Her grandpa had given the Jade’s school the form for students to fill out, but whenever Jade asked her grandpa about it, he acted cagey.

Jade was getting light-headed from all this information, but she had more questions, and she was determined to get them all answered.

“Whose shoes am I filling?”

“I’m sorry Jade, but I can’t answer that yet!”

Jade sighed. She was expecting at least one dead-end, but still. However, Aradia had said “yet”, so Jade had some hope for the future.

Jade eyed her computer. It had been pinging for quite awhile now, and she was anxious to answer. Jade asked one more question. “Who picked me?”

“Why, English Labs of course! You should know this by now Jade!”

Time froze.

Jade asked again, slowly, being careful to enunciate her words, just incase Aradia had misheard her. “Who picked me?”

“English Labs.” Jade stood still, disbelieving the fact that English Labs, her grandfather's company, picked her.

That meant her Grandpa knew where she was. That meant she wasn’t kidnapped, but...well Jade wasn’t exactly sure what was what, or why her grandfather didn’t tell her what was going on, but still she was relieved.

“Ok Aradia, thanks for helping me!”

Aradia replied “No prob, Bob!” and promptly slid back into the wall. Jade noted that these were the dismissal words for Aradia, and dove to her computer.

ECTOBIOLOGIST began pestering GARDENGNOSTIC at 5:56 AM!

eb: hey gg!

eb: is this the girl i saw earlier today?

eb: i mean it was like an hour ago but...

eb: hello? are you there?

eb: helloooooo???

eb: just talking to myself then. great.

GARDENGNOSTIC logged on at 7:26 AM!

gg: sorry for taking so long to reply eb!!!

gg: i was caught up in something, but now i can talk

gg: i also have some super exciting news!!

eb: nah it’s cool.

eb: what’s the news?

gg: well, have you activated your aradia yet? i would make more sense if you’ve activated it!!

eb: what’s an aradia?

gg: well, it’s kinda hard to explain, but it’s basically like a butler!

gg: it’s supposed to “make your stay as comfortable as possible”

eb: yeah, my “stay”.

eb: more like my “forced vacation”.

eb: that sounded better in my head. 

eb: well, i’ll go and try to activate it, i guess.

Jade smiled while reading EB’s messages. He seemed like a good guy, if a little goofy.

eb: ok, i activated it, and i finally got some food?

eb: gg, you have no idea how long i’ve been starving.

eg: it’s so good. gg i’m crying.

eb: i'm crying while eating cake. do you know how much i hate cake?

gg: you hate cake????

eb: with an undying passion.

gg: i cant believe you.

eb: well, i don’t know about you

eb: but my overly supportive father gave me cake every day until i grew sick of it.

gg: hehe, that sounds like the opposite of a problem.

gg: anyways, did you get the mini tutorial yet?

eb: yeah, the whole bit about “making me comfortable” and hidden rooms.

eb: hidden rooms sounds really cool, to be honest.

gg: yeah they sound pretty cool. but do you know why you’re here??

eb: uh...no.

eb: i was too busy shoving my face with cake to ask.

gg: well, you’re here to protect the earth!!

eb:....

eb: i dont believe you.

gg: well see for yourself! ask aradia!

eb: how do you know this?

eb: i just asked, and yeah!

eb: i’m here to protect the earth! that sounds pretty damn cool

gg: it is pretty damn cool.

gg: do you think tt or tg know about aradia or their destiny?

eb: probably not.

eb: here, how about i take tt, and you take tg

eb: tg doesn’t respond to me, so maybe they’ll talk to you.

gg: hmm, maybe!

gg: oh, and before i forget!

gg: you weren’t actually kidnapped!

gg: well, you were, but not like for anything bad, like ransom!

eb: uh, i’m pretty sure there’s only one type of kidnapping? the bad kind

eb: and even though i might get some pretty cool destiny or whatever

eb: my dad will still freak when he finds out that i’m not coming home from a sleepover?

gg: no, no, honestly, it was just a misunderstanding!

gg: i know the “kidnappers”!

gg: it’s my grandpa! or more specifically, my grandpa’s company.

eb: does your grandfather specialize in kidnappings?

gg: oh, you dont know who my grandpa is! duh!!

gg: no, my grandpa’s company is english labs!

eb: well this clears up...

eb: something i guess. let me sign off and catch tt up.

eb: you should catch tg up. and maybe after everyone is caught up, we can keep talking

gg: ok! ciao!

eb: ciao

ECTOBIOLOGIST logged off at 8:19 AM!

Jade hoped she didn’t put him off too much. Saying that she knew the people who “kidnapped” him might be a little disconcerting, but he had the right to know!

Jade’s stomach rumbled. She forgot to feed it earlier when she was asking questions. She asked Aradia for some pancakes and water for the plants. Aradia took a little longer to bring the food, but Jade knew exactly when the food came, because the pancakes smell filled the room almost immediately. Jade thought briefly about EB’s cake shenanigans, and knew exactly what he was talking about when he said he was crying. The pancakes were so good it brought literal tears to her eyes. She has no idea how though, because they’re just pancakes.

Jade clicked on turntechGodhead’s name, and began to try and catch him up.

GARDENGNOSTIC began pestering TURNTECHGODHEAD at 8:45 AM!

gg: hey turntech!

gg: just wanted to catch you up on some stuff because you’re not really talking to anyone

tg: why would i talk to anyone at this unholy hour

gg: !!!

gg: first: you spoke! woah!!!

gg: second: this is a really late hour? when are you normally up?

tg: 1st: hardy har har i finally talked to somebody i'm not a lonely lil troll all by its lonesome

tg: 2nd: i make it a priority to never wake up before 12 pm.

gg: so why are you up right now???

gg: it’s definitely before 12

tg: well, the combined efforts of you, eb, and tt pestering me throughout the entirety of the morning kinda makes it impossible to sleep

tg: yall are thirsty for my attention

gg: yeah, well, when you don’t respond to anybody, people tend to send you a crazy amount of messages.

gg: besides, this is my first time talking to you! i must be special or something ;)

tg: damn right youre special

tg: when i saw that handle i thought “this person is the most special i gotta pay my respects and honor them by talking to them”

tg: so here i am

tg: talking to you

tg: what did you want anyways? i kinda got distracted

gg: just wanted to tell you to activate your aradia!

gg: didn’t want you starving over there!! oh, and that you need to figure out why you’re here! but i can tell you why you’re here if you want!

tg: oh yeah

tg: the a.r.a.d.i.a. that thing’s hella cool

tg: yeah no i already figured it out and got some sicknasty aj

tg: i also got into a rap contest with it and won, of course.

gg: you rapped with it? and won??

tg: yep. cool dude in the house, thats me

gg: ohhhkay cool dude!!

gg: so you know why you’re here?

tg: yeah, something like i gotta protect the earth or some shit

tg: man screw the earth

gg: why? :(

tg: well...the earth kinda sucks

gg: :(((

tg: no man i’m serious

tg: like if i didn’t live on earth i’d be like “let the earth die”

tg: but i do live here, so like while i'm here aliens can’t come and invade

tg: i am the earths sole savior. it is me

gg: what would we do without you, cool guy???

tg: exactly

gg: ooh, before i forget! i know the kidnappers

gg: its my grandpa!

tg: i never thought i would read that in my lifetime

tg: everyone can go home, that line takes the cake

tg: what do you mean it’s your grandpa?

tg: dudes pretty damn spry if he can take me unaware. gotta be like 90 or some shit and still doing jumping jacks and exercising

tg: what do old people even do to keep in shape? crosswords?

gg: i dunno, but it wasn’t actually him who took you! it was more like his company!

tg: your grandpa owns a kidnapping company?

gg: eurgh no! eb thought that too!

gg: his company english labs took you! so you can start protecting the earth!

tg: hate to break it to ya

tg: but i’m not exactly the best at protecting people

gg: pshaw!!! you’re the best candidate for the job!

gg: i got faith in you!

tg: thanks. that means a lot.

gg: no prob bob!

tg: its dave

gg: no prav, dav!

tg: that doesn’t work

gg: no it doesn’t. i'm jade

tg: cool.

TURNTECHGODHEAD logged off at 10:32 AM!

GARDENGNOSTIC logged off at 10:33 AM!

Jade leaned back into her chair. Dave is a huge dork, and doesn’t even know! Who raps with a responder and wins?

She stood up, and spoke to the responder. “Hey Aradia! Can I leave my room?” She didn’t expect a yes, so she was surprised when Aradia chirped and nodded while opening the door to the room Jade saw yesterday.

Jade dove to her computer and barely managed to type out a half coherent message to tell everyone saying they should leave their rooms. She sprung out of her room into the cold air of the other room. It was surprisingly cold actually, considering the room was filled with sunlight from the glass roof.

Different doors opened up as well, and people started entering the room as well. Jade spotted the dark haired boy, and waved excitedly to him. He waved excitedly back, but Jade noticed that he wasn’t wearing the same clothes as she was.

In fact, no one was! Jade thought that everyone was going to have standard issue clothes, but everyone was wearing brightly colored clothes. She felt kinda drab in her grey clothes.

They all took seats at a round table, and Jade sat across from a dark skinned girl with bright orange clothes and a sun on her shirt. Jade’s seen that sun before, but she doesn’t remember where. On her right was the black haired boy from earlier. He wore glasses, like Jade, only his were rectangular and blue. He wore a lot of blue, oddly enough, the only thing that wasn’t blue was his socks, which were yellow. He had a squiggly symbol on his shirt. The last person sat on her left. He had sunglasses on, and Jade thought that was a smart move, considering how bright it was in the room. He wore an outfit that was similar to the boy in blue, only his was red instead of blue, and had a gear symbol instead of squiggles.

They all sat in silence, taking in each other's presence, until the blue guy said “So, why are we here again?”

Jade answered. “Well, initially, I was excited to just leave my room, but now that we’re all here, maybe we could get to know each other?”

The orange girl nodded. “That seems like a splendid idea. I suggest we exchange handles first, so we can put a face to the people we’ve been talking to. I am tentacle therapist.”

The boy in blue went next. “I’m ecto biologist!”

Since you were sitting next to him, you decided to go next. “Garden gnostic.”

The red guy spoke after awhile. “Turntech godhead. Greatest name ever, I know.”

Tentacle scoffed. “Ok, so know that we know each other, we might as well stop ignoring the elephant in the room.” She turned towards Jade, and she felt her skin prickle for unknown reasons. Tentacles gaze wasn’t cold, but it felt like she knew all of Jade’s secrets by just looking at her.

“Why are here, Gnostic?”

Jade felt sweat go down her back. “Uh, well, we’re here because my grandpa’s taken us here. If you can recall, a few months ago, you filled out a form for English Labs. Initially, I thought that form was just for my school, but it looks like it was spread out across America.” She took a deep breath and continued.

“So, a few days ago, the results must’ve been finalized, because that’s when we were taken. I don’t know why my grandpa did what he did but, now we’re here and..” She trailed off, and looked down at the table, avoiding the gazes of her counterparts. It was getting uncomfortable for her, because Dave and Ecto and Tentacle all had families they were taken away from, and now they probably missed them.

“Welp. Not much we can do about it now.” Ecto’s voice boomed in the silent room, and Jade looked up at his smiling face. “Maybe you’ll be able to contact your grandpa, Garden, so that we’ll be able to talk to our parents. But for right now, we’re stuck here, and we have an Earth to protect! Crying about missed parents won’t save the Earth!”

Dave started clapping at the end of Ecto’s mini-speech. “That was the most inspirational speech I’ve heard in years dude. You deserve a Nobel prize in speech giving.”

“Now that we’re done with speech giving, I suggest we do talk about why we’re here,” Tentacle spoke. “We’re here to protect the Earth, most obviously, but how we achieve that is a mystery to me.”

Ecto shrugged. “Maybe we talk to the aliens, and achieve some sort of truce with them?”

“Hate to burst your bubble, but that’s probably not the case. Alternians are a special type of crazy. No, what we’ll probably get is some kick-ass powers and beat some Alternians up, maybe shove them into a locker and stick a ‘kick me’ sign on their backs.”

“Are you implying that the Alternians are, in fact, a group of stereotypical high school nerds, Turntech?” The corners of Tentacle’s mouth quirked up into a weird smirk.

“I’m not saying they aren’t.”

Jade started to tune their banter out. She wondered why her grandfather had resorted to the means of kidnapping. Surely he would’ve sent a letter of information to everyone instead. But then again, parents wouldn’t be exactly willing to send their kids to the face of danger. The more she thought about it, the more her head hurt. She eventually excused herself from the table, and headed back to her room, her mood from earlier soured.

“Hey Aradia, is it ok if I talk to Grandpa tonight?”

The responder thought for awhile, before replying, “Sorry Jade, but your grandfather is a very busy tonight! However, I can schedule you in tomorrow afternoon! Is that ok?”

Jade thanked her, and then said the dismissal words.

“You’re welcome Jade!” The responder smiled cheerfully before sliding back into place.

Jade decided to forgo dinner and just go to bed early. She laid down on the bed, and watched the golden sunset and the room go dark. Jade listened to the muffled laughter coming from the main room, and was glad that Dave, Ecto, and Tentacle weren’t too upset about being taken, or suspicious at Jade, wondering what else she knew about their circumstances.

Warmed by this thought, she soon fell asleep.

* * *

An elderly man shuffled into a well decorated meeting room. Of course it would be well decorated, he picked out the decor himself, complete with blue-hued ladies.

He took a seat at the head of the table, and waited for the rest of his group to filter in. Soon, a well dressed man entered, along with a woman clinging on his arm. They whispered and giggled to each other. took seats next to the elderly man. A man in odd triangular shades walked in last, stopping only to eye the beautiful blue women adorning the room, before taking a seat himself.

There was a moment of silence before the triangular shades man shook an angry finger at the old man and spoke.

“Look gramps. I don’t get where you get off thinking that it’s ok to take my kid, but let me tell you: it ain’t.” The two other people nodded solemnly, agreeing with his statement.

The old man shrugged. “Sonny, if I made the rules, your child would still be at home getting up to whatever tomfoolery young’uns get to these days. But, I do not make the rules. Don’t worry son, your beloved is perfectly safe in the institution I set up myself.”

The well dressed man spoke up, “If you had asked, I would’ve let my son go with you.” The woman nodded in agreement.

“I woulda let my little Rosie go with you too, Jacob. She coulda used some time away from her weird books, and maybe her dear ol’ mother too.” She frowned slightly at that, and the well dressed man patted her comfortingly.

Jacob frowned before replying. “I appreciate hearing that you would’ve let them go, but I didn’t want to take the risk that you wouldn’t have been just dandy with it. Some of us have a hard time letting go.”

“If you’re gonna insult me, say it to my face. I’m still considering whether or not I wanna beat up an old guy today, and you're thiiss close to tippin’ the scale.” The triangular shades held his finger and thumb a fraction apart.

The well dressed man intervened before the situation could spiral down any further. “Dale, try to be civil. We can’t yell at Jacob just yet. He had a perfectly good reason to take the children. If we kept them until they started showing signs of manifesting powers, they would..well..”

“They’d flip their shit. It’s ok to say it, James.” The woman patted James arm reassuringly.

Jacob agreed with her. “Renee is right. We have to be there for the children to give them the proper care and guidance.”

Dale slammed his hand on the table. “Proper care and guidance, my ass. You’ll be babying them, and when the time comes, they won’t be ready. Alternians aren’t gonna hold their hands while they’re fighting. Hell, even the Carapaces won’t help them, and they are the the most pansy invading aliens I’ve ever seen-”

Jacob interrupted him. “What are you getting at Dale?”

“What I’m saying, Jacob, is let me help them. I didn’t want my damn kid involved in this, but if he absolutely has too, then he might as well be trained by the very best: me.”

“Me an’ Jame agree. Whatever you’re gonna teach the kiddos at your ‘institution’ won’t be enough. We’d be a lot more comfortable if we were involved. We’re the old group, after all. We know what to expect, and we can teach that to our kiddies.”

The old man contemplated this proposition for awhile. He would have to rearrange some things around, and definitely invest more money into this than he already has. But to hell with it, he’s a billionaire with the organizational skills to do it.

“Alrighty then. The older generation will train the newer generation. It’s settled.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WHAAAT?? IS THIS A SUPER HERO AU  
> yeah. it is  
> and oh whaaat? exposition and plot and everything else i should've done in the first chapter???  
> yeah. it is  
> also, to make the last scene easier to understand, all the new people are the beta kids guardians. Dale is Bro, Jacob is Jade's Grandpa, James is Dad Egbert, and Renee is Mom Lalonde.


	5. UPDATE

Ok, I want to tell y'all that I'm not going to update this fic anymore. I hit a major plothole while I was writing, and there was no way around it so I'm calling it quits. I also felt like i was forcing the story because I didn't have a plan for this.

HOWEVER! I am planning a new, similar story! It will be much more comprehensive, and will (hopefully) update faster! It will also superhero au (im just a slut for superheros, ok). I will hopefully be done writing the first few chapters this week, and will maybe be start posting at the end of June!

Thank you all for reading my fic, especially since it was pretty damn terrible.

EDIT: ok so i mightve accidently lied a month ago

i got over my horrendous plot hole problem and will maybe write a couple more chapters??? it depends, since the aforementioned fic will be getting most of my attention


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